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Haven: Wanting and Needing

Wanting

She wasn't going to lie to herself. She really wanted Chris. But as she'd just told Chris herself, wanting and needing were two different things. Why did she really want him? Was it really because she was immune to his affliction? Maybe. But there was more.

She wanted to feel what it would be like to be with someone. To be with someone who understood her in a way that no one else could. She wanted to feel. To feel loved. To feel appreciated. To feel something.

She wanted someone to feel whatever she kept hidden inside of her, the facets of herself she dare not let anyone see. But she had let Chris in, just a little. When the kissed, she could allow herself to feel special, to feel something. She had given a part of herself to him, literally and figuratively.

But there was more to wanting than that. There was someone else who was wanting. Wanting something from Audrey, perhaps the same something Audrey shared with Chris. But Audrey had shut herself down again. Although she cared a great deal about Nathan, she seemed to put up an emotional block between her and everyone else around her. Especially Nathan.

Now, after all of the affectionate kisses he'd woken her with, his charming speech and the way he'd taken her beneath the sheets of her bed and made love to her, Chris was gone. She'd seen him walk back down the dock and disappear in the glare of bright sunlight. He was out of her life like a flickering flame that had just been blown out.

And yet, Audrey was still left wanting.


Needing

Chris found himself really needing Audrey. He needed her to make him feel a certain way, to make him feel like he wasn't completely crazy because of his damn affliction. He needed her to keep himself sane. He needed to feel her touch, her kisses. He needed to see her smile.

She was immune to him and he liked that. She was different; she was tough, sassy and he could barely get a word in edgewise when she was at work. He needed to be with her. Being with her made him feel comfortable and with her, he was a different person. A better person even.

He needed to feel that sanctuary and security. The sanctuary of everything that was her and everything that could be her in the future. He didn't need to leave her side on the dock as her eyes drifted out towards the sparkling blue ripples of water, but he left anyway. After all they'd been through, he couldn't stay anymore. There were things that he needed. Other things. Things Audrey couldn't provide for him.

He squeezed her arm and left her alone on the dock. He walked away from her. And yet, Chris was still left needing.